On the daily.

Perfect.

I’m too in a rush to make everything in my life so perfect that it’s going completely the other direction. I’ve been trying to please everyone but myself, and that’s why I’m not happy with the way things are going. Losing people that I thought would always be around, trying to keep it cool with the people who’ve never been there for me while neglecting those who’ve always been by my side, just all of it.. Over the past few months I’ve been messing everything up. I don’t make good choices. Everything is starting to backfire and I’m just starting to lose it. I’m tired of people expecting shit from me, lying to me, and just getting hurt. There’s so many things I wish I could’ve done differently if I had the chance to go back, because I could honestly say if I changed ONE specific thing that I’d actually be happy with my life at this very moment.

Ssenippah.

That’s exactly what I am, the opposite of happy. There’s no other way to put it. Lately, the littlest shit makes me feel the worst. When I’m even remotely happy, it doesn’t last more than 5 minutes. I hate to say it but the smile on my face is fake 99% of the time. I just want to feel how I felt this time last year, about everything. Cos that smile.. That was a genuine smile.

I know every girl says they want a long, real relationship, but trust me.. Once you get it, everything changes. Feelings drift, jealousy gets deeper, and a whole lotta fighting becomes the usual. I miss the talking stage, the butterflies, and the cute little awkward silences on the phone from time to time. That new, fresh relationship is probably one thing I wish I could have back in situations like this.. When there were no worries at all and everything was just perfect.